Can’t Fix Stupid

Q: “Where or when does the president believe he’s been falsely called racist?” —CBS News’s Ed O'Keefe

A: “You’re kidding, right?” —White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt after a stunned pause

When They Tell You Who They Are, Believe Them

“Given the recent departure of our medical director, coupled with the current regulatory environment, we made the difficult decision to discontinue our Transgender Youth Health Program.” —NYU Langone Health senior director Steve Ritea explaining that the threat of government action mandated their decision, not the proven harm they were causing children

Re: the Gaza Board of Peace

“I think [this] will maybe be one of, if not the most important day of our careers. … We’re going to straighten out Gaza. We’re going to make Gaza very successful and safe.” —President Donald Trump at the conclusion of the inaugural Board of Peace meeting

“You have truly proved to be a man of peace. And let me say, Mr. President, you are truly savior of South Asia.” —Pakistani Prime Minister Shehbaz Sharif

Stranger Than Fiction

“NYC wants a $127 Billion budget. The ENTIRE state of Florida has a $117 Billion budget. NYC has 8.8 million people. Florida has ~ 22 million people. Think about that for a second. That is absolutely wild.” —Jeffery Mead

Bureaucratic Ineptness

“Initially, DC Water downplayed the danger to local residents, saying E. coli levels were low. But DC Water officials recently admitted that their calculations were off just a bit. E. coli levels are actually 100 times worse.” —Gary Bauer

Nihilism Slippery Slope

“Certain things routinely happen when denial of truth becomes a society’s modus operandi. Among them is that lying becomes the government’s default position. It’s not merely, ‘Hey, all politicians lie at times,’ but that the official policies of the government are lies.” —Laura Hollis

The Bottom Line

“The most enraging lie about immigrants is the claim that they actually commit LESS crime than the native population! The preposterousness of the ‘studies,’ the stupidity of the argument, and the gullibility of journalists to any happy talk about immigrants, requires its own column. Until then, a quiz! Q: How many immigrants should be criminals? A: Zero.” —Ann Coulter

What’s Next?

“If we’re going to save America, it won’t be enough to deport all the migrants. We have to teach America’s history, culture, and civics to two generations of natural born citizens who are completely ignorant about their own beautiful country.” —Joel Berry

Belly Laugh of the Day

“Marco, you really did yourself proud two days ago in Munich. In fact, so proud that I almost terminated his employ because they were saying, ‘Why can’t Trump do this?’” —Donald Trump