The New York Times recently highlighted a book by author Lindy West titled Shrill. West, a cofounder of the Shout Your Abortion campaign, doesn’t believe that preborn babies have rights. Apparently, she doesn’t believe that she has rights, either.

In an interview with Times podcast host Anna Martin, West shares how she didn’t want polyamory for herself but was essentially coerced into it by her husband. She doesn’t quite describe it in those terms, but the coercion is obvious.

Polyamory is basically a glorified way of describing cheating in a relationship, except everyone is “okay” with it. It’s different from polygamy because you’re not dealing with multiple wives or multiple husbands. In this case, it’s a husband, a wife, and his girlfriend.

Shrill is a memoir that addresses West’s marital journey. Her husband, Ahamefule “Aham” Oluo, whom West describes as her best friend, wanted an open marriage because his past marriages hadn’t worked out due to “possessiveness and jealousy.” More likely, it was because of Oluo’s unwillingness to be faithful.

This was not the life Lindy West envisioned. She was more interested in the classic monogamous arrangement with kids (ironic, I know) and the white picket fence. However, she agreed to the marriage and held her breath, hoping that infidelity would never enter the picture. Spoiler alert: it did.

Oluo spent years trying to convince West that it was okay for him to have other relationships with different women. He even accused her of being a white racist because she was uninterested in an open marriage. West was so obviously uncomfortable with the idea of polyamory that she didn’t want to even talk about it. This should have been a clue to her husband to knock it off, but no. He finally forced the issue by seeing someone on the side. West found out because someone sent her a picture of Oluo kissing his new girlfriend.

West was utterly devastated, but she told the Times that she went to work on herself, and by learning to love herself first, she was able to accept what was happening with her husband and his mistress. In an odd twist, the mistress decided she was also interested in West, turning this into a complex love triangle.

Throughout this whole ordeal, West insists that she loves her husband and that he loves her deeply. She also insists that this is all for the best because now there is one more person to love. In reality, her husband manipulated her into accepting another person into their marriage (against her inclination) and then replaced her dreams of having children with the addition of his mistress. To quote the feminist anthem of 2024, “Labour” by Paris Paloma, “It’s not an act of love if you make her.”

The husband is being allowed to excuse his infidelity and get away with coercion. He never has to mature or take responsibility for his lascivious desires or actions. West, who is insecure about her looks, talked herself into this “throuple” because two people now find her sexually attractive. She is not having to mature, either. Instead, she was compelled to stay in this perpetual teen drama, complete with jealousy and infidelity. She’s also become immune to emotional abuse, which is only made better in her eyes because the mistress likes her too. (Stockholm syndrome, anyone?)

West resents having to explain herself and her toxic relationship. Why? Because it’s genuinely shameful and hurtful, and she has been coerced into a situation that is intolerable.

Lindy West’s marital imbroglio is a version of “swinging” or “wife loaning,” which is the exact opposite of female empowerment. It’s apparently a growing trend amongst couples, which is disturbing. A recent New York Post article about wife loaning claimed that “71% of sweethearts experienced a ‘stronger emotional bond with their partner,’ after introducing an outsider (or two) into the fold, and an equally shocking 71% credit the X-rated experimentation with ‘improving’ their sex lives.” This makes it sound like a sexy new trend based on “communication” and “boundaries.” No, that’s not what marriage is. Polyamory is infidelity with varying amounts of coercion and consent.

There is a reason that marriage is between one man and one woman until death do they part. It is a union established for the benefit of each spouse, for society writ large, and for child-rearing. Polyamory is a symptom of a decadent and devolving culture that is so high on self-centeredness that it doesn’t even see the damage it causes individuals personally and collectively.

The New York Times is trying to portray polyamory as “sexy” or “self-discovery” instead of a tale of utter depravity.