January 19, 2023

Angry Al’s Unhinged Oratorio

When it comes to climate alarmism and opportunism, there’s no beating Al Gore.

We’ve long envied those coastal elites, and now we have yet another reason: boiling oceans. Just imagine how easy it must be to make tea or spaghetti. Imagine an endless supply of ready-to-eat lobster right there on the beach.

Who needs a gas range, anyway?

And so, our heartfelt thanks are due to Al Gore for once again jetting off to the mean streets of Switzerland, for fending off the masseuses and the high-priced hookers, for telling us the Inconvenient Truths, and for opening our eyes to the promise of sizzling seas.

“People are familiar with that thin blue line that the astronauts bring back in their pictures from space,” he began over there in Davos, next to the world’s largest parking lot of private jets. “That’s the part of the atmosphere that has oxygen, the troposphere, and it’s only five to seven kilometers thick. That’s what we’re using as an open sewer.”

Indeed, nothing beats writing one’s name in the snow up there in the troposphere.

The great man continued: “We’re still putting 162 million tons [of greenhouse gas] into it every single day, and the accumulated amount is now trapping as much extra heat as would be released by 600,000 Hiroshima-class atomic bombs exploding every single day on the earth.”

He blamed our wanton disregard of his repeated warnings for a host of problems currently confronting humanity. We’re surprised he didn’t invoke the word of the week over there in Davos: polycrisis.

Raising his voice, he thundered: “That’s what’s boiling the oceans, creating these atmospheric rivers and the rain bombs and sucking the moisture out of the land and creating the droughts and melting the ice and raising the sea level and causing these waves of climate refugees!”

Yikes. And all this time we thought those millions of illegal immigrants pouring across our southern border were coming here for the free stuff. For the, uh, asylum. Who knew the Gulf of Mexico had become a bubbling cauldron?

As political consultant Noah Pollak quipped, “If he wasn’t at Davos in an expensive suit, you’d hold your kids’ hands tighter as you hurry past and hope he gets the help he needs.”

Just think: This inventor of Internets, this oracle of Armageddon, this Music Man of green-energy gazillions would’ve been president were it not for Florida Ralph Nader his infernal and unappreciative home state of Tennessee.

As for Gore’s predictions, where are the fact-checkers when we need ‘em? Fox News’s Sean Hannity spoke up amid the deafening silence: “Al Gore actually claimed renewable energy was the cheapest form of energy. Show us the evidence,” Hannity said. “This is not Al Gore’s first rodeo into Bizarreland. He’s been making outlandish predictions for many decades. For example, in the year 2000, he promoted a claim that Mount Kilimanjaro would no longer have any snow by 2010. … In 2006, he suggested that all the glaciers in Glacier National Park would be gone by 2013. … In 2007, Al Gore warned of a planetary emergency. 'The planet has a fever,’ he declared.”

A fever, eh? If only we had more cowbell. “In 2009,” Hannity continued, “Gore said 75% of the entire polar ice cap will melt in the next five to seven years. But according to NASA, there were mass gains of the ice sheet in 2015.” And on and on. Dude has been laughing all the way to the bank.

“So, how do we get there?” asked “climate czar” John Kerry of the financial environmental goals being discussed in Davos this week. “Well, the lesson I’ve learned in the last years and I learned it as secretary [of state] and I’ve learned it since, reinforced in spades, is: money, money, money, money, money, money, money.”

If nothing else, Gore certainly learned that lesson. His net worth when he ran for president in 2000 was a relatively pedestrian $1.7 million. Today, he’s worth somewhere around $300 million.

Nice “work” if you can get it.

Being a leftist means never being held accountable for your ridiculous predictions and never having to say you’re sorry. Especially if you’re Al Gore.

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