There are certain things in life we’re sure of — things we just know in our heart of hearts. For example, we know the sun sets in the west, we know the designated hitter rule is an abomination, we know beer is proof that God loves us, and we know Hunter Biden’s laptop is Hunter Biden’s laptop.

These things, and others, simply don’t require convincing.

So we’re a bit puzzled to learn that Hunter Biden has finally admitted — albeit through a series of lawyerly letters he sent Wednesday to the Delaware attorney general, the Justice Department, the IRS, and lawyers for Fox News and host Tucker Carlson — that the laptop he abandoned at John Paul Mac Isaac’s Delaware repair shop on April 12, 2019, is in fact the laptop he abandoned at John Paul Mac Isaac’s Delaware repair shop on April 12, 2019.

This is this, so to speak.

So what gives? Why is Hunter only now coming clean, long after even the dead-enders at The New York Times and The Washington Post have grudgingly admitted that the laptop is legit?

If we had to speculate, we’d say it’s because he has nowhere else to go. After all, the corrupt, Big Tech-colluding, election-interfering water-carriers at the FBI have been exposed, and those 50-odd former “senior intelligence” yes-men — the ones who signed that infamous letter in which they pathetically claimed that the New York Post’s original blockbuster story about the laptop “has all the classic earmarks of a Russian information operation” — have also been thoroughly discredited.

Thus, from his ever-shrinking ice floe, and with congressional Republicans now in control of the investigative gavels, President Joe Biden’s son must now fess up to the authenticity of the laptop and try to convince us that he’s the victim in all this.

“Don’t buy a word of it,” says the editorial board of the New York Post, whose reporters have been doggedly and accurately pursuing the laptop story from the onset. They continue:

Hunter Biden is a privileged son who leveraged his family’s name and access to make millions — much of which he frittered away on drugs and prostitutes. His laptop wasn’t “stolen.” He dropped it off at a computer repair shop, handed over the password, then never picked it up because he was too addled to do so. Hunter Biden isn’t a victim. He’s a con artist. One lie has been admitted. Let’s see what is revealed next.

As columnist Gary Bauer writes, “In an example of chutzpah on steroids, Hunter Biden is now claiming to be the victim, alleging that the contents of the laptop were stolen and used to defame him!”

And remember: What scares the hell out of Team Biden isn’t all the salacious stuff on that laptop — the naked, drug-addled, sex-addicted selfies of the first son, the “smartest guy” Joe Biden knows. No, this is about the sales receipts and the connective tissue that monetarily linked the then-sitting vice president to the Communist Chinese and other corrupt regimes. This is about the Biden Crime Family and about influence peddling from the second-highest office in the land.

So far, this latest defense of Hunter isn’t going as planned. “Yesterday’s transparent attempt to sic top state and federal law enforcement officials on those exposing the Biden family pay-to-play scandal is already backfiring,” reports columnist Margot Cleveland, “with Biden’s attorney clarifying the letters are not an admission that the laptop was Hunter’s.”

As Hunter’s super-high-priced lead attorney, Abbe Lowell, told The Federalist: “These letters do not confirm Mac Isaac’s or others’ versions of a so-called laptop. They address their conduct of seeking, manipulating and disseminating what they allege to be Mr. Biden’s personal data, wherever they claim to have gotten it.”

Wow. Talk about threading a needle while walking a tightrope.

In two 14-page letters, Hunter’s legal team asked Delaware Attorney General Kathy Jennings — who just so happens to be a friend of the Bidens — and the Biden Department of Justice to launch investigations into whether John Paul Mac Isaac, Rudy Giuliani, Steve Bannon, and others committed state or federal crimes.

“There is considerable reason to believe” those individuals violated various laws “in accessing, copying, manipulating, and/or disseminating Mr. Biden’s personal computer data,” Biden’s lawyers claimed.

The word “manipulating” here is both noteworthy and sleazy, as it seems to imply that someone tampered with the information on the laptop.

Again, because Hunter Biden is the victim in all this.

Desperate is as desperate does.