Harris Supporters Trying to Figure Out How to Convert Joy Into Groceries
“Can anyone tell us what the current joy-to-groceries exchange rate is?”
DOJ Indicts JD Vance for Brutally Beating 3 Women
“We will be forced to issue a warrant for his arrest if he does not turn himself in… or just drop out of the race.”
Tim Walz Really Excited After Hearing He Might Get Spanked at Debate
“I was nervous at first … but I didn’t realize it was that kind of a debate.”
Eric Adams Declares New York a Sanctuary City for Mayors Facing Federal Criminal Charges
A caravan of panicked Democratic mayors from all across the country has formed to march to New York.
‘共产主义是最好的! 好好好!’ Says Tim Walz in Eloquent Rebuttal of Alleged Ties to China
“Just because I went on a couple of spa dates with Xi, everyone thinks I’m some type of undercover Chinese asset.”
Here Are the Remaining 10 Celebrities Who Haven’t Endorsed Kamala Harris
While she may have a lot of stars on her side, she doesn’t have the ones that really matter.
15 Seconds Into Kamala Harris Interview, Oprah Decides to Endorse Trump
Winfrey announced that everyone in attendance would receive a free MAGA hat.
Here Are 9 AI-Generated Deep Fakes of Gavin Newsom That Are Illegal to Share in California
Don’t worry, nobody’s laughing at you. Please don’t put us in jail. Yet.
Rashida Tlaib Uninjured After Her Pager Mysteriously Explodes
“She said it was a gift from some dear friends,” one staffer explained.
Woman Who Made Career Singing About Her Bad Choices Endorses Kamala
“She’s got so much experience making wrong decisions, who better to decide what’s right?”
In Brief Moment of Lucidity, Biden Endorses Trump
“Listen, folks. Here’s the deal. You know who to vote for,” Biden said to the assembled crowd.
Trump Jumps 30 Points in the Polls After Telling Kamala Harris to Be Quiet
“Man, she’s so annoying,” said a New York native and lifelong Democrat. “I can’t stand her voice.”
Kamala’s 7 Debate Demands Revealed
Jamaal Bowman must be stationed by the fire alarm — just in case things aren’t going Kamala’s way.
10 Famous Quotes From History as Reported by the Associated Press
Commemorating the AP’s long and distinguished record of quoting people accurately.
After Motorcade Involved in Fender Bender, Tim Walz Adds Purple Heart to Resume
The Minnesota governor decided it was a good enough opportunity for him to spiff up his military career just a little more.
Top Opinion
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Ben Shapiro Newton’s Third Law of Politics
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Gary Bauer Left-Wing Lunacy
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Ann Coulter The Enemy of My Enemy Is RFK
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Cal Thomas To Vet or Not to Vet
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Larry Elder Trump: From ‘Fascist’ to ‘Let’s Do Lunch’
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Laura Hollis Religious Belief and the 2024 Election
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Hans von Spakovsky Getting New Leadership Confirmed Quickly for Next Trump Admin
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Allen West Constitutional Governance
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Armstrong Williams Mr. Trump, Follow Mr. Lincoln
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The Washington Stand Speaker Johnson Protects Women-Only Spaces in U.S. Capitol
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The Babylon Bee Here’s How 14 Different News Outlets Are Covering the ‘Trump Dance’ Craze
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