Average IQ in Congress Expected to Rise Significantly After MTG Resigns
“The mean IQ of a Congressman will still be roughly that of a baked potato, but we’ll take it. She’s been really dragging us down.”
Do You Have What It Takes to Be a Professional Journalist? Here Are 9 Qualifications
No actual training in reporting facts: You don’t want actual news to get in the way of telling your predetermined story.
Scholars Now Believe Number of the Beast Is Actually 67
“Little did we know — at least until just now — that the proper translation of ‘666’ is actually ‘67.’”
In Devastating Blow, Newly Released Emails Reveal Trump Not Well-Liked by Pedophile
“I don’t know how Trump comes back from this,” said a White House source on condition of anonymity.
8 Ways Trump Is Exactly Like Moses
Republicans always win elections so long as Trump keeps his arms raised: Vance and Rubio are only there to help keep them up.
Scientific Algorithm Determines Most Oppressed Person in History Is Michelle Obama
“I had to endure getting my makeup done every day by professionals, and sometimes they messed up my eyeliner.”
Heartwarming: Group of Senile Senior Citizens Finally Finds Employment
The federal government is set to hire just over five hundred elderly, mentally incapacitated individuals.
Democrats Somberly Remove Sombreros, Signaling End of Shutdown
“This is indeed a mucho, mucho sad day,” said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries.
Congress Prepares to Pivot From Doing Nothing Because of the Shutdown to Doing Nothing Because They’re Congress
“I don’t know what the American people are really expecting.”
Democrats Agree to End Shutdown in Exchange for 15% Off Coupon to Cracker Barrel
“That was an offer no one in their right mind could pass up,” said Virginia Senator Tim Kaine.
Mamdani Dethrones Gavin Newsom as U-Haul’s Top Salesman
“I got into politics because I wanted to make a difference,” Mamdani said. “Today, I know I’ve succeeded.”
Nancy Pelosi Prepares for Sad Future of Outsider Trading
She’s now faced with the grim reality of having to trade stocks without insider info just like a regular peasant.
Zohran Mamdani Horrified to Discover He Now Has a Job
“I didn’t think this through,” Mamdani reportedly told one of his aides.
Embarrassed Democrats Admit They Can’t Remember Why They Shut the Government Down
“The shutdown must be about climate change or something else a lot more important-sounding.”
Can You Spot the Differences Between These Grokipedia and Wikipedia Articles?
Only the slightest differences, but they are there if you look closely.
Top Opinion
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Betsy McCaughey Time to Crack Down on Fraud
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Mark Alexander Questions About Wreaths Across America
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Rich Lowry A 2026 Iranian Revolution Could Reverse the Debacle of 1979
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Star Parker No Compromise on the Hyde Amendment
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Ian Haworth Trump’s War on Big Credit Is a Big Mistake
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John Stossel The Warmth of Collectivism
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Gary Bauer Trans Agenda on Trial
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Byron York The Prime of Tough-Guy Progressivism
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