Humor
653 pieces filed under this topic.
Kwanzaa Finally Revealed to Be Elaborate Prank on White People
"Yeah, you got us," said black dude Achonte Ndukwe.
Junior Cartel Member Excited to Already Be Getting to Drive Boat
The Venezuelan cartel had experienced a spike in turnover in recent weeks, with sources saying the organization was struggling to fill boat positions quickly enough.
Atheist Looks Forward to the Warmth and Cheer of Arbitrary Cultural Traditions With No Transcendent Meaning
"It helps him stay grounded," said his mom.
Special Needs Community Demands People Stop Comparing Them To Tim Walz
"I deeply, sincerely apologize to the special needs community for comparing you lovely people to Tim Walz," said Trump.
Minnesota Vikings Change Name to Minnesota Somali Pirates
"This could be a huge boost in interest and revenue," said Steve Poppen, the team's Executive Vice President and Chief Business Administration Officer.
Democrats Accuse Luke Skywalker of War Crimes for Using More Than One Proton Torpedo Against Death Star
"Totally unnecessary and uncalled for," said Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer.
MRI Confirms Donald Trump Has Incurable Advanced-Stage Patriotism
"Nobody's got a case of this like mine," the president told the media in brief comments in the Oval Office.
Tim Walz Offers Journalists Free Tampons to Stop Talking About Fraud Scandal
"I can beat this story," Walz reportedly muttered to himself, reaching deep into his coat pockets for another package of tampons.
10 More Groups Trump Is Designating as Terrorist Organizations
The host panel of "The View": They stage a new attack every single morning.
Trump to Execute All Turkeys Pardoned by Biden's Autopen
"Fake pardons! Off with their heads!" Trump loudly proclaimed as administration staffers lined the turkeys up.
Average IQ in Congress Expected to Rise Significantly After MTG Resigns
"The mean IQ of a Congressman will still be roughly that of a baked potato, but we'll take it. She's been really dragging us down."
Do You Have What It Takes to Be a Professional Journalist? Here Are 9 Qualifications
No actual training in reporting facts: You don't want actual news to get in the way of telling your predetermined story.
Scholars Now Believe Number of the Beast Is Actually 67
"Little did we know — at least until just now — that the proper translation of '666' is actually '67.'"
In Devastating Blow, Newly Released Emails Reveal Trump Not Well-Liked by Pedophile
"I don't know how Trump comes back from this," said a White House source on condition of anonymity.
8 Ways Trump Is Exactly Like Moses
Republicans always win elections so long as Trump keeps his arms raised: Vance and Rubio are only there to help keep them up.
Scientific Algorithm Determines Most Oppressed Person in History Is Michelle Obama
"I had to endure getting my makeup done every day by professionals, and sometimes they messed up my eyeliner."
Heartwarming: Group of Senile Senior Citizens Finally Finds Employment
The federal government is set to hire just over five hundred elderly, mentally incapacitated individuals.
Democrats Somberly Remove Sombreros, Signaling End of Shutdown
"This is indeed a mucho, mucho sad day," said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries.
Congress Prepares to Pivot From Doing Nothing Because of the Shutdown to Doing Nothing Because They're Congress
"I don't know what the American people are really expecting."
Democrats Agree to End Shutdown in Exchange for 15% Off Coupon to Cracker Barrel
"That was an offer no one in their right mind could pass up," said Virginia Senator Tim Kaine.