Kash Patel is now the presumptive head of the FBI and he’s planning on some big changes. Here are just a few of the most incredible.

Here are 10 drastic changes coming to the bureau:

1. All FBI agents must go back to wearing trenchcoats, carrying snub-nose revolvers, and saying “see?” after every statement: Presentation matters, see?

2. Cancel all current plans to assassinate Donald Trump: But cool trenchcoats first.

3. All of Melania’s underwear recovered during the Mar A Lago raid must be returned: They’ve had it long enough.

4. From now on, all agents must submit a written request before grooming a mass shooter: Finally, a return to common sense MKUltra policies.

5. X-Files to be reopened: Agents therein now report directly to the president.

6. New Applicants must weigh under 400 pounds: This is a step in the right direction for fitness requirements.

7. The Chief Officer of Quadrapalegic Black Lesbian Representation will be fired: No severance package.

8. Remove all 850 wiretaps at Mar-a-Lago: It’s a waste of resources since Trump publicly shares everything anyway.

9. Agents are now required to arrest pedophiles: This is a new, cutting-edge idea in criminal justice.

No more work retreats at Epstein Island: Kash Patel is such a party pooper.

From our friends at The Babylon Bee.