Columnist.
The White House allowed Susan Rice to withdraw her name from consideration for Secretary of State. No one doubts her ability. Susan Rice lied to the American people on all five Sunday talk shows, breaking Hillary Clinton's one-day record by two interviews.
Speaker John Boehner accused President Obama of wasting another week in the fiscal cliff talks. The president refuses to consider spending cuts while Republicans refuse to raise taxes. Ten percent of Americans polled are rooting for a settlement as the politicians approach the cliff, while ninety percent are rooting for gravity and a low tide.
Mitt Romney was invited to the White House to have a private lunch with President Obama and share ideas on how to spur the economy. The president served turkey chili and a green vegetable for lunch. Mitt didn't have to ask if Michelle was in town.
President Obama asked Americans to unite around the White House n his Thanksgiving Day address to America. Reporters quickly noted he neglected to thank God. Now that reporters have him safely re-elected, they can tell us what they really think.
The Postal Service asked Congress for authority to close post offices more easily. They also want to end Saturday mail delivery. The Postal Service said last year it lost sixteen billion dollars, making it the most profitable department in the U.S. government.
President Obama had his first press conference in eight months at the White House. Reporters asked the president why he didn't know that the FBI was investigating his CIA chief all year. He was so crushed that a White House reporter would ask him a real question that he broke down sobbing for the second time in ten days.
Cleveland police report that a convenience store robber in suburban Warren took the cash from the cashier and told him to vote for Obama. The robber is really sorry now. As soon as he put the cash in his pocket Obama declared him rich and took it all.
Hurricane Sandy approached the U.S. mainland from the Bahamas and made landfall along the Eastern Seaboard. They were ready for it. Thanks to the president's economic policy, many of the businesses were already boarded up.
The White House e-mails on September 11th were leaked Tuesday identifying the al-Qaeda attack on the U.S. consulate as it happened. It had nothing to do with a mob reaction to a video as claimed by the White House. If Barack Obama had been president seventy years ago he would have blamed the attack on Pearl Harbor on an anti-Japanese newsreel.
Skydiver Felix Baumgartner waved to Internet viewers Sunday before leaping out of a rocket plane in the stratosphere. The world watched in awe. He free-fell to earth from over one hundred thousand feet, setting a new world record previously held by Facebook stock.
Al Gore scored the debate and blamed Barack Obama's poor performance on Denver's altitude. The president didn't think the altitude would be much of a problem. Back when he was in college he got some of his best test scores while he was high.
Denver University hosted a presidential debate Wednesday night that lasted ninety minutes. Afterwards President Obama got back to his Denver hotel room at precisely nine-forty-five Mountain Time. He knew it because Mitt Romney had just cleaned his clock.
Israel's Benjamin Netanyahu tried to speak with President Obama at the U.N. but was rebuffed. He tried another way that didn't work. He put on suspenders and glasses and pretended to be Larry King so the president would think it was a softball interview.
Barack Obama will attend a fundraiser held by actor Jonathan Goldsmith, who plays The Most Interesting Man in the World on Dos Equis beer commercials. All the ads have to be re-shot. Now he says he doesn't always drink, but when he does, he drinks the Kool-Aid.
President Obama's convention speech was moved inside due to the threat of bad weather. There was zero percent of rain in the forecast. If you want to know why pro athletes get paid so much money it's because it's not all that easy to fill a stadium.
Mitt Romney accepted the GOP nomination before a roaring and cheering crowd of delegates in Tampa as the balloons came down. These things aren't as much fun as they used to be. Every time a balloon popped, housing prices dropped another one percent.
The TSA were at a Paul Ryan event to scan Republicans at The Villages in Florida. It's a huge senior citizen community. TSA statistics show that people with knee and hip replacements pose the greatest threat to U.S. security since the collapse of the Soviet Union.
The U.S. soccer team beat Mexico's soccer team in Mexico City for the first time in seventy-five years. It's a good thing this happened in Mexico City and not Los Angeles. If this had happened where there are a lot of Mexicans, there might have been a riot.
Washington D.C. agreed to convert to lower-wattage streetlights to save energy and cut back on greenhouse gas emissions. The environmentalists are forcing the city to convert to dimmer bulbs. So they're screwing members of Congress into the light sockets.
North Korea's women's soccer team walked off before a recent match. Organizers accidentally displayed the South Korean flag and the North Koreans were outraged. They will never be able to go home now that they know what it is like to be angry and have food.
