Right Analysis   /   Satire
The Babylon Bee / May 17, 2024

‘Harrison Butker Does Not Reflect Our Values,’ Says League of Woman Beaters

“We sincerely apologize for Butker’s inexcusable support for family values.”

The Babylon Bee / May 8, 2024

For Greater Inclusivity, Boy Scouts of America Removes Every Word in Name Except ‘Of’

“We feel this is the best way to completely torpedo any remaining relevance scouting had.”

The Babylon Bee / April 26, 2024

Hamas Thanks College Student Supporters by Promising Them a Quick Death During Global Intifada

“Maybe it will only hurt for a second. But that’s it. It’s the least we could do.”

The Babylon Bee / April 24, 2024

Columbia Protestors Clarify They Only Want Death to America After America Is Done Paying Their Student Loans

Protestors also called for the death of Elon Musk, but only after they get a Tesla.

The Babylon Bee / April 15, 2024

World in Shock as Murderous Terrorist State Ignores Warning From Impotent Old Man

“Biden is prepared to withhold the Iranian leader’s evening treat or even his screen time.”

The Babylon Bee / April 1, 2024

Biden Condemns Jesus for Rising Again on Trans Day of Visibility

“Who does this Jesus think he is?” shouted an angry Biden.

The Babylon Bee / March 25, 2024

National Guardsman Being Trampled by Migrants Glad to Hear We’re Not Being Invaded

“Calling it an invasion would be racist and xenophobic. Are you racist and xenophobic?”

The Babylon Bee / March 13, 2024

Millions of British Kids Forced to Live Normal, Happy Lives After UK Bans Puberty Blockers

Experts warn that without delayed puberty, British kids will grow normally.

The Babylon Bee / March 11, 2024

Oscars Observes Moment of Silence for Undocumented Murderer Tragically Called ‘Illegal’

“No one is illegal,” said a tearful Jimmy Kimmel as the murderer’s picture was displayed.

The Babylon Bee / February 21, 2024

Another Democrat Attempts to Purchase a Black Man

“It’s time for us to stop pretending to be in favor of freedom, tolerance, and open-mindedness.”

The Babylon Bee / February 9, 2024

Man Ruled Too Senile to Stand Trial Still Fine to Run Country

In spite of the report detailing Biden’s late-stage dementia, Robert Hur confirmed Biden is just fine to continue running the country.

The Babylon Bee / January 24, 2024

Supreme Court Rules It’s Illegal for National Guard to Guard Nation

Texas is being ordered to open its border completely and let millions of people flood the state and the rest of the country.

The Babylon Bee / January 15, 2024

Secret Service Assures Public None of the Protesters Outside White House Were Wearing MAGA Hats

“We can all sleep sound knowing that the crowd chanting for the mass murder of innocents contained absolutely zero Republicans.”

The Babylon Bee / January 10, 2024

Biden Invites Naked Bass Pro Shop Guy to Next White House Pride Event

“Come celebrate with us where you belong,” President Biden said in his invitation.

The Babylon Bee / January 8, 2024

Mayor Adams Seen Quietly Scratching Inscription Off Statue of Liberty’s Plaque

Adams has expressly denied vandalizing the iconic bronze plaque, suggesting that Texas is somehow to blame.

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