11 Celebs Who Have Joined Elon’s America Party
Some of the big names who have already jumped on board may surprise you — like Joe Biden, who doesn’t really know where he is or what he’s signing up for.
Millions Reported Dead as ‘Big Beautiful Bill’ Passes
“They tried to warn us,” sighed Speaker Mike Johnson, surveying the carnage. “They tried to tell us that this would kill everyone, but we didn’t listen. How foolish I was!”
Illegal Immigrants Removed From Census, Leaving California With Population of 12
Governor Gavin Newsom sued the Trump administration for bothering to keep a census at all, calling it “fascist authoritarian overreach.”
Pride Parade Followed Closely by Disinfectant Parade
“Hey Bill, we’re gonna need more disinfectant,” said this year’s Disinfectant Grand Marshall, Bart Martin. “Looks like we got ourselves a doozy this year.”
Jeff Bezos’s Wedding 100% Funded by Your Wife’s Amazon Purchases
“Yesterday, I saw Laura had ordered $200 worth of light bulbs, just ‘so we don’t run out.’ That probably paid for a few of the napkins.”
In Powerful Dissent, Ketanji Brown Jackson Simply Writes ‘Wakanda Forever’
Top legal analysts admitted that they were perplexed by the dissenting opinion, saying it used obscure legalese they could not understand.
7 Changes Mamdani Is Proposing for New York City
Authorizing the development of state-run shoplifting centers: This is the clever outside-the-box thinking people need from their elected leaders.
CNN: Hiroshima ‘Barely Set Back’ by Atomic Bomb
“We have highly classified intelligence which confirms that Hiroshima was not, I repeat, was not incinerated as was expected. The U.S. mission has failed.”
Trump Bombed Iran. Here’s How 12 Media Outlets Covered the Story.
New York Times: “Quiet Middle Eastern Community Devastated By Unprovoked Trump Attack.” MSNBC: “Iran Is Now The George Floyd Of The Middle East.”
Obama Distraught as Trump Bombs Cool Nuke Factory He Paid For
“It took a long time to build up those cool nuke factories with the huge pallets of stacked cash we gave them. I had high hopes for that nuclear program.”
Iran Clarifies Its New ‘Jew Smasher 3000’ Missile Is Meant Only for Peace
“This is just a tool for peaceful scientific and humanitarian research. We do not intend any harm toward America or the Jews, who will all die like dogs, inshallah.”
Ted Cruz Destroyed in Interview as He’s Unable to Name Ayatollah’s Favorite Starter Pokémon
The exchange of obscure Pokémon facts raises serious questions about how much the American government really knows about Iran and the Pokémon they collect.
9 Creative Ways to Achieve Peace in the Middle East
The Middle East is once again exploding, with peace in the volatile region seemingly as elusive as ever. But take heart! Peace is not as far away as you think.
10 New Amendments the Constitution Desperately Needs
All presidents shall be appointed by all-powerful federal judges: This will more closely reflect the nation’s current hierarchy of power.
Do You Have Experience in Nuclear Engineering? Check Out These Exciting New Job Openings in Iran
“These vacancies just exploded onto the scene,” said one job listing. “All experienced nuclear engineers are encouraged to apply.”
Top Opinion
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Hans von Spakovsky The Trump Case Is Finally Dead, but Fani Willis Left Fulton County Taxpayers on the Hook for Millions of Dollars
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Michael Reagan Exposing the Liberal Media’s Sloppy Hoaxes
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Michael Barone Closing the Door on Immigration? Not Yet.
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Gary Bauer Arrest Made
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Josh Hammer The Welcome Demise of Climate Change Catastrophism
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Victor Davis Hanson A Newsom Nihilist Nomination?
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David Harsanyi War Powers Are Dead
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Tim Graham Those Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days of Skipping ‘Morning Joe’
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Mark Alexander Profiles of Valor: SSgt William Pitsenbarger (USAF)
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Erick Erickson At War With Cartels
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Allen West Sympathy for the Devil
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The Washington Stand On David, Drug Boat Strikes, and Leaving No Survivors
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The Babylon Bee Minnesota Vikings Change Name to Minnesota Somali Pirates
No MSM Churn No Clickbait Junk No Advertising
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