Trump to Receive Nobel Prize for Getting Zelenskyy to Wear a Suit
Where so many had failed, President Trump succeeded. “Trump has done the impossible,” said Nobel Committee member Freyre Bilke.
8 Possible Names for MSNBC’s Exciting New Rebrand
Other names were considered for the rebrand, like MS13, which the marketing department reportedly said could be problematic.
Dems Say Mail-in Ballot Ban Will Place Undue Hardship on Dead Voters
“We can’t allow President Trump to alienate our dead voters like this,” said Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi.
11 New Artifacts Trump Ordered the Smithsonian to Display
A wall dedicated to his many tweets: The highlight of which is a large printout of the infamous “covfefe” tweet.
Trump Negotiates Russian Ceasefire by Giving Putin California
“It’s a great deal for every party involved,” Trump told reporters when announcing the agreement.
Democrat Mayors Report Violent Crime Down 40% Since They Redefined ‘Violent’ and ‘Crime’
“There’s actually almost no crime when you look at it a certain way,” said D.C. Mayor Muriel Bowser.
10 Undeniable Reasons Communist China Is Way Better Than America
The president is the most handsome fellow in the world and does not look anything like Winnie the Pooh.
Trump Vows to Drastically Reduce the Number of Criminals in Washington by Sending Congress Home
“They’re a bad bunch, and we’re going to fix the problem.”
10 Things Trump Is Doing to Get the U.S. Out of Debt
By implementing this list of simple hacks, the U.S. will be out of the red in no time.
Trump Gerrymanders U.S. to Include Canada
The savvy political maneuver solves the trade deficit while also creating one supercountry that possesses the largest maple syrup reserve in the world.
Top 10 Quotes From Kamala’s New Book
“A Moscow Mule is three parts ginger beer, one part lime juice, and the rest is vodka. If you don’t taste the vodka, you’re doing it wrong.”
Fake Indian Endorses Real Indian
“As a pretend Indian, I am honored to endorse a for real one,” Elizabeth Warren told reporters. “I completely and thoroughly offer my support to Zohran Mamdani.”
Awkward: Obama, Hillary Hire Same Hitman to Kill Each Other
The two political figures were allegedly compelled to target each other as more information related to the Trump-Russia collusion hoax was declassified.
Kamala Announces She Will Step Away From Politics to Spend More Time With Vodka
“See vodka, it’s like a drink. It comes in a bottle, and you pour it into a glass, and then you drink it.”
Federal Judge Orders Sydney Sweeney to Gain 100 Pounds and Get One of Those Butch Haircuts
At publishing time, Judge Bauer issued an additional ruling requiring Sweeney to get a septum piercing and a face tattoo.
Top Opinion
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Hans von Spakovsky The Trump Case Is Finally Dead, but Fani Willis Left Fulton County Taxpayers on the Hook for Millions of Dollars
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Michael Reagan Exposing the Liberal Media’s Sloppy Hoaxes
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Michael Barone Closing the Door on Immigration? Not Yet.
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Gary Bauer Arrest Made
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Josh Hammer The Welcome Demise of Climate Change Catastrophism
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Victor Davis Hanson A Newsom Nihilist Nomination?
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David Harsanyi War Powers Are Dead
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Tim Graham Those Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days of Skipping ‘Morning Joe’
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Mark Alexander Profiles of Valor: SSgt William Pitsenbarger (USAF)
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Erick Erickson At War With Cartels
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Allen West Sympathy for the Devil
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The Washington Stand On David, Drug Boat Strikes, and Leaving No Survivors
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The Babylon Bee Minnesota Vikings Change Name to Minnesota Somali Pirates
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