Trump Gerrymanders U.S. to Include Canada
The savvy political maneuver solves the trade deficit while also creating one supercountry that possesses the largest maple syrup reserve in the world.
Top 10 Quotes From Kamala’s New Book
“A Moscow Mule is three parts ginger beer, one part lime juice, and the rest is vodka. If you don’t taste the vodka, you’re doing it wrong.”
Fake Indian Endorses Real Indian
“As a pretend Indian, I am honored to endorse a for real one,” Elizabeth Warren told reporters. “I completely and thoroughly offer my support to Zohran Mamdani.”
Awkward: Obama, Hillary Hire Same Hitman to Kill Each Other
The two political figures were allegedly compelled to target each other as more information related to the Trump-Russia collusion hoax was declassified.
Kamala Announces She Will Step Away From Politics to Spend More Time With Vodka
“See vodka, it’s like a drink. It comes in a bottle, and you pour it into a glass, and then you drink it.”
Federal Judge Orders Sydney Sweeney to Gain 100 Pounds and Get One of Those Butch Haircuts
At publishing time, Judge Bauer issued an additional ruling requiring Sweeney to get a septum piercing and a face tattoo.
Obama Presidential Library Design Faces Criticism
The center sits on 19 acres, featuring a fruit and vegetable garden, an events facility, and a giant castle that holds the secrets to conquering the entire universe.
10 Things More Popular Than Democrats Right Now
Jehovah’s Witnesses on your front porch: They may be annoying, but they’re far less dangerous than Democrats.
An Exclusive Excerpt From Joe Biden’s Memoir
“You can do anything you put your mind to. Heck, they tell me I was president. Not bad for a guy who used to drive long-haul 18-wheelers for a living.”
10 Most Shocking Revelations From the Newly Released MLK Files
While he didn’t want people judged by race, he thought it was okay to judge people if they had funny ears: Those big-eared weirdos should have no place in society.
Obama Argues He Can’t Be Charged With Treason Since He Wasn’t Born in America
“I can’t commit treason against America if I was never an American,” Obama said confidently in a brief statement to reporters.
Hunter Biden Warns That Without Illegal Immigrants, the Price of Prostitutes and Crack Will Skyrocket
“These essential products will become totally unaffordable to the average American,” Biden said.
10 Ideas for Better Shows to Replace ‘The Late Show’ With Stephen Colbert
Moist Madness: People saying the word “moist” repeatedly for an hour and a half. Much less cringey.
State-Run Propaganda Program Shut Down
Stephen Colbert was thankful for his time peddling lies about the COVID-19 vaccine being safe and effective and pushing DEI initiatives in the workplace.
Newsom Founds Underground Railroad to Help Mexican Kids Travel to Work the Marijuana Farms
“Every Mexican kid deserves the chance to live out their dream of working as slave labor in California,” Newsom told reporters.
Top Opinion
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Mark Alexander Can Trump Move the Needle?
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Gary Bauer Honoring Angel Families
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John Stossel Trump Report Card
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Ian Haworth I Don’t Care if Alysa Liu Is Woke
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Byron York Is Time Running Out for Sanctuary Cities?
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Star Parker At America’s 250th Birthday, Democrats Want a Different Country
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Tim Graham Bari Weiss, the Latest Target of Antisemitic Campus Intolerance
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Ken Blackwell The Integrity of Information: Why VOA Persian Must Remain Independent
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