World Economic Forum Concludes Event With Virgin Sacrifice to Weather Gods to Prevent Climate Change
“Praise be to Klaus Schwab and the deities who thirst for peasant blood.”
After Lackluster Showing, Nikki Haley Orders Bombing of Iowa
Support by defense contractors for Haley’s presidential campaign has since quadrupled.
History Made as United Airlines Reveals First All-Dachshund Flight Crew
The groundbreaking decision was made as part of a bold initiative to promote an unprecedented level of inclusion.
Hillary Clinton Seen at Bass Pro Shops Buying New Sniper Rifle
Sources say her visit has nothing to do with the recent public release of Jeffrey Epstein court records.
Claudine Gay Gives Tearful Resignation Speech Entitled ‘Gettysburg Address’
“It’s a tragedy to lose such a gifted writer and orator,” said one 4th-year student who attended the speech.
Readers’ Choice: Best of Cartoons & Memes for 2023
Behold, a few of the funniest items from our Memesters Union for the year.
Capitol Janitors Deep Clean Senate Chamber With Flamethrowers
“Lysol isn’t going to cut it,” said head of janitorial services Donovan Miller. “Light it up, boys!”
McConnell Dresses as Prostitute to Lure Hunter Into Closed-Door Hearing
GOP lawmakers believed it was only a matter of time before Hunter would be caught in their trap.
Claudine Gay Responds to Plagiarism Accusations by Giving Inspiring ‘I Have a Dream’ Speech
School officials and journalists hailed the speech as a turning point in the tense situation.
Ohtani Having Second Thoughts on Dodgers Signing After Meeting Hitting Coaches
“I’ve made a huge mistake,” said Ohtani through an interpreter.
Babylon Bee Writers Stand in Solidarity With Our Fellow Fake News Writers Going on Strike at WaPo
The writers at WP work hard to bring us their daring and uproarious brand of comedy.
Weird: Man Becomes More Conservative as He Regains Brain Function
Conservatives have sat dumbfounded as they found themselves nodding along with the Democrat.
Nation in Shock After Gavin Newsom Murdered on Live TV
Authorities are still searching for three accomplices: Sean Hannity, Ron DeSantis, and a paper map of human poop.
Squirrel Wearing MAGA Hat Seen Scampering Away From Falling National Christmas Tree
Capitol Police have launched a city-wide hunt for the dangerous insurrectionist.
Musk to Put Cybertruck’s Bulletproof Armor to Ultimate Test With Trip Through Downtown Chicago
“Whether you find yourself in a post-apocalyptic zombie wasteland or in Chicago, the Cybertruck is ready,” said Elon Musk as he made the announcement.
Top Opinion
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Ben Shapiro Newton’s Third Law of Politics
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Gary Bauer Left-Wing Lunacy
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Ann Coulter The Enemy of My Enemy Is RFK
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Cal Thomas To Vet or Not to Vet
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Larry Elder Trump: From ‘Fascist’ to ‘Let’s Do Lunch’
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Laura Hollis Religious Belief and the 2024 Election
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Hans von Spakovsky Getting New Leadership Confirmed Quickly for Next Trump Admin
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Allen West Constitutional Governance
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Armstrong Williams Mr. Trump, Follow Mr. Lincoln
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The Washington Stand Speaker Johnson Protects Women-Only Spaces in U.S. Capitol
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The Babylon Bee Here’s How 14 Different News Outlets Are Covering the ‘Trump Dance’ Craze
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