CDC Officially Changes COVID Guidelines to Whatever Your Uncle Frank Said About It Years Ago
“Uncle Frank has somehow managed to continually stay a step ahead of the C.D.C.”
Biden Visits Border to Cut Ribbon for Official Border Grand Opening
There were approximately 5,369 new migrants who crossed the border during Biden’s speech.
Ronna McDaniel Hired as DNC Chair Due to Extensive Experience Defeating Republicans
Democrats are confident that McDaniel’s track record will give the party exactly the edge it needs.
Aw: Gender Studies Grad Writes ‘Thank You’ in Latte for Plumber Who Paid for Her Student Loans
The hard-working plumber barely noticed how the barista graciously thanked him.
Google Gemini Finally Draws White Man After Being Prompted to Generate Clarence Thomas
“We are pleased to see that Google’s AI recognizes that Clarence Thomas is a black face of white supremacy.”
Kamala Harris Moves to Second Place in ‘Worst Diversity Hire of All Time’
“Wearing her dress backwards, what a coup de grace!”
Devout Catholic Joe Biden Gives Up Cognitive Tests for Lent
Biden announced he was also considering giving up talking in coherent sentences and walking in a straight line.
Kamala Seen Practicing Her Presidential Cackle
“When we need medicine, we need laughter. Medicine itself is highly medicinal and makes us feel better. And laughter is laughing.”
White House Staffers Lock Nukes With New Security Question ‘Which of These Images Shows Mexico’
Staffers say this measure has nothing to do with Biden’s impeccable performance at the press conference last week.
Is Your Date Transgender? 10 Signs to Look For
The Bee is here to help you determine your date’s true gender with the following list of signs to watch for.
Joe Biden Sees Shadow, Attempts to Shake Its Hand
Biden also predicted another six weeks of “winterburgenphdtughergh.”
Mayorkas Says He’s Not Sure How He Can Be Impeached When He Doesn’t Even Do Anything
“I have done literally nothing at all. How can that be a crime?”
California Becomes First State to Ban Heterosexual Marriage
The law was met with celebration by everyone still living in California, as they were all gay already.
Trump Announces New ‘Trump on Trial’ NFT on Sale for $83.3 Million
The judge reportedly denied Trump’s generous offer to give E. Jean Carroll the NFT as payment in full.
Texas Places Razor Wire Around The Alamo for Final Stand Against Biden
“Davy Crockett didn’t have razor wire, or a massive, heavily-armed citizenry. I like our chances.”
Top Opinion
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Matthew Continetti Resist the Global Intifada
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Mark Alexander Gaetz Out, Bondi In!
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Hans von Spakovsky What Everyone Is Missing in the Argument Over Mass Deportation
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Tim Graham Is It the End of the ‘Big Media Era’?
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Erick Erickson Worldview Matters
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Josh Hammer What Was the Matt Gaetz Attorney General Pick Really About?
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Victor Davis Hanson The Trump Counterrevolution Is a Return to Sanity
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David Harsanyi Don’t Trash the Constitution to Dunk on the Liberals
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