‘Trump Is a King!’ Say People Freely Protesting in a Free Country
“Trump is a tyrant! He has taken away our freedoms!” cried Mable Mcclean, a 68-year-old bisexual Episcopalian priest and part-time slam poet.
Newsom Says It’s His Duty to Represent the Illegal Immigrants Who Elected Him
“I have a responsibility to serve the people who voted for me when they weren’t legally allowed to do so,” a defiant Newsom told reporters.
Touching: Reconciled Trump and Musk Recreate ‘Rocky III’ Beach Scene
Neon-clad and muscles gleaming, the pair agreed to let bygones be bygones and get back to working together. “It feels so right,” said Musk.
Trump Responds to Mostly Peaceful Protests With Mostly Peaceful Military
“Maybe the National Guard isn’t mostly peaceful enough. Maybe it’s time to send in the mostliest peaceful of them all: the United States Marines.”
Illegals Help Film Republican Presidential Campaign Commercial
Republicans have approximately 3,000 hours of footage depicting illegal immigrants behaving violently and cursing the country that allowed them in.
9 Surefire Ways to Bring Trump and Elon Back Together
Give each of them one end of a long spaghetti noodle: They will have no choice but to kiss and make up.
8 Hacks Girls Can Use to Win Track Meets in California
Dress up so you look like J.K. Rowling: They will collapse in tears before the race even begins.
Hamas Agrees to Surrender if Europe Will Take Greta Thunberg Back
“While we have a reputation for perpetrating violent and ruthless acts against our enemies, sending Greta Thunberg here is far beyond any definition of cruel and unusual punishment.”
10 Really Gay Things You Can Do to Celebrate Pride Month
Engage in any of the activities listed below — like owning a cat — and you’ll fit right in with all the gays.
Furious Al Gore Seen Blowing Hair Dryer at Ice Caps to Stop Them From Regrowing
“We’re not all about to die? This is terrible news. Terrible, cataclysmic news. We cannot allow humanity to not be about to die.”
10 Ways Democrats Plan to Win Back Men
Use sports analogies in every political speech: “Men, we’re going to need to throw a Hail Mary from behind the 3-point line and strike out climate change with a mean Pick 6!”
Elon Musk Leaves Job of Making Government More Efficient for Much Easier Job of Sending Humans to Mars
“Working in government is a far more complicated and challenging job than inventing rockets capable of taking humans to other planets.”
Biden, Macron Team Up to Form Support Group for Battered and Abused World Leaders
“We’re going to help people. No, I’m serious. Not a joke, man. Think about it. My flimgizzdle has a chicken on the gribble, Jack.”
French President Macron Claims He Fell Down the Stairs Again
Macron’s latest spill down the steps occurred just as reports indicated that he had been physically accosted by his wife, Brigitte.
ChatGPT Announced as Harvard Valedictorian
“Over the past four years, ChatGPT has authored just north of 42,000 term papers, as well as countless research articles and a dozen marriage proposals.”
Top Opinion
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Hans von Spakovsky The Trump Case Is Finally Dead, but Fani Willis Left Fulton County Taxpayers on the Hook for Millions of Dollars
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Michael Reagan Exposing the Liberal Media’s Sloppy Hoaxes
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Michael Barone Closing the Door on Immigration? Not Yet.
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Gary Bauer Arrest Made
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Josh Hammer The Welcome Demise of Climate Change Catastrophism
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Victor Davis Hanson A Newsom Nihilist Nomination?
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David Harsanyi War Powers Are Dead
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Tim Graham Those Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days of Skipping ‘Morning Joe’
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Mark Alexander Profiles of Valor: SSgt William Pitsenbarger (USAF)
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Erick Erickson At War With Cartels
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Allen West Sympathy for the Devil
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The Washington Stand On David, Drug Boat Strikes, and Leaving No Survivors
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The Babylon Bee Minnesota Vikings Change Name to Minnesota Somali Pirates
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